NEW YEAR 2012

It's a new year! How are we going to celebrate? Let's make some changes!! *applause* But let's get real here, how many New Years Resolutions make it past March? Or even to March? The best way to actually keep the promises we make to ourselves at this time of year is simple; start small. For example if your goal for the year is to lose weight take it by weeks. Start out with week one: watch calorie intake. Then move on to week two: exercise twice this week. If you start small eventually you'll make your goal.
One of my personal goals is to be more nice to people, in the way that I think, and the way that I act and talk. This is going to be hard because I'm stuck in a bad mind set that makes being nice a little difficult. I have a plan to make my goal and stick with it. Comment and tell me your goals for the New Year. I'm curios as to what everybody wants to change.

Merry Christmas!

Ah, Christmas is in the air. (: I finished all my shopping and now I'm just sitting back and wrapping presents like a boss. (: I'm really glad my life is starting to get normal again. After all the crazy crap that has been happening since October, I'm glad I'm finally drama free and happy as a lark. (BTW, what is a lark? And why is it so happy?) Who decided to use such an odd expression?)
On the topic of Christmas...It drives me nuts when people say, "Happy Holidays!" Instead of, "Marry Christmas!"!! I don't care if you tell me happy Hanukkah I'm okay with that, If you tell me Happy Kwanzaa, I'm okay with that, but not Happy Holidays! I don't care about being politically correct! I just care about the sentiment! People choose to be offended. Grr, that really kills my mojo. I hope this year has been good for you my wonderful loyal readers. :D I love you and I hope your Christmas is Merry. Lol, Stay Amazing (:

Broken Heart?

I found this on the web and it hit home with me so I'm putting it on my blog. Please read the whole things. I love you guys (:

"Broken heart? Read this. Trust me.

I know you miss him and I know you think you can’t be without him. I know he told you he loved you and I know he said he'd never leave. I know although you knew you shouldn't have believed that, you did and I know you want him more than anything. I know you spend extra time doing your makeup and hair perfect just in case he looks your way and I know secretly, yo...u want to bump into him anywhere you go. I know you get that feeling when you walk past him and I know you just want him to look your way. I know he called you his baby and his number one and I know he told you he loved you at the end of each of his texts. I know he told you after he's caused you so much pain. I know your face lights up at the mention of his name and I know that you were his world and I know he made you happy. I know you re-read the saved texts from him that you should of deleted ages ago and I know you can’t figure out what’s making you still like him so much even you’re scared to talk about him to your friends because you don’t want them to know how amazing he is. I know you still get that tingle feeling if he so much as looks as though he's looking your way and I know that the whole day you'll be analyzing what that look meant. I know you know he used you and I know you always forgave him for all his faults no matter what. I know you smile bigger, talk louder and laugh more when you see him anywhere near and I know that’s because you just want him to notice you again. I know you compare every guy to him and I know you'd do anything to prove your love for him. I know you take out his mistakes out on everyone but him and I know you don't mean to. I know you read your saved Facebook conversations you had with him every night and I know you cry every time. I know you think you won't care for anyone as much as you care for him and I know you tell everyone you’re 'obviously' over him. I know that you don't know that I can see right through that. I know you listen to the songs that remind you of him every night and I know you cry yourself to sleep. I know you'd do anything to be perfect for him and I know if it meant you had to stab yourself the next day after seeing him, if it meant spending a whole day with him, you'd do it. I know you can't figure out what’s so different about him to all the other guys you've been with previously and I know he's the reason you look in the mirror too much. I know you get that feeling every time you get a text, just because of the slight chance it might be him and I know anyone can see the hurt in your eyes when you find out it isn't. I know you can’t figure out why he left you and I know you'll never get an answer to that question. I know that. Trust me. Now listen. I know he doesn't miss you and I know he doesn't look at you twice. I know that if he does catch your eye it's because you’re staring at him and he's just looking around. I know your texts to him were deleted a long time ago, along with the Facebook conversations and I know he's dating a new person now. I know for a fact that he doesn't compare her to you. I know he doesn't have feelings for you anymore and I know he just doesn't care. I know he doesn't care about you no more. He never did. Trust me. I should know. I know you can relate to everything I said because he made us all feel the same. Do me a favor please? When he's done with his current girlfriend/boyfriend, pass this onto her/him. I know you will because you appreciate this as much as I did when it got passed to me. Knowing you’re not the only one he's hurt though makes you feel better, I guess. I wonder how many more people he’s gonna hurt. P.S, I know you still miss him. Even after reading this and realizing someone else felt exactly the same way about him that you do now. But trust me; the person he's dating now will feel exactly how you felt. Remember you gotta be strong, keep your chin up and your head held high. [You will get over him], I promise you. It’s just gonna take time.only a real bestfriend will say this..thanks Corey."

Love you guys, Stay AMAZING for me (:

Scared to death

We are all human (Well MOST of us are...) so we all get scared, but one of the scariest things in life is letting someone in. Letting them get to know you, letting yourself get attached, letting yourself feel something for them. I think one of the biggest reasons it is so scary to like someone, is you know there is always going to be a goodbye. Whether it is a break up, a death, a move, rejection,  or even time, you're eventually going to have to let them go. That hurts. It's not the goodbye that is so scary, it is the hello, because at hello you know you're eventually going to have to say goodbye. That is why some people choose not to even let the hello happen.
We are all fragile little creatures, no matter how much we claim we are not. We all go through heartbreak, loss, and goodbye. We are full of emotions that tend to dictate our actions and therefore dictate our character. What other reason would someone have for killing someone else? It's raw emotion that drives them. It's emotion that is so dangerous. Think about your family, think about what you would do to protect them against a man wanting to cause them harm. Would you not be willing to shoot them to save a family member? That is what scares me. Getting so attached to someone that I would be willing to kill to keep them safe; getting so attached that it kills me when the goodbye eventually comes around. No matter how much we want it to, things will never be the same after the goodbye. You may say hello again, but it'll never be like the initial hello, the goodbye will always be there, and therefore  you two will never be the same.
People scare me. They straight up scare me, because I know most of them think and feel the same things that I do, and I'm pretty scary. We all have the same fears, whether it is death, spiders, or the fear of losing someone close to us. It's scary to be human, because being human implies being weak, and weakness is the root of fear. Feeling powerless is the one thing we all fear, and what could make you feel as powerless as goodbye?
While most of us have religions that teach of an after life, there is always some doubt in the back of our minds, and that is called survival instinct. It's one of many reasons that it hurts so bad to lose someone. We all want to live and flourish to carry on our species and enjoy a fairy tale life. Notice though, that it is the fairy tales that tell of "goodbye" that mean the most to us? "The Fox and the Hound", "Bambie", and even "Dear John". The stories relate closer to us, warm and wound our hearts at the same time because they have a basis of reality to them.
People are scary. Relationships, friendships, partnerships, they are all delicate social ties that have to be very diligently balanced in order to work and be maintained. Never in my life have I been so hurt by a friend as I was these last two months. The pain was almost unbearable. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't even breathe without the pain digging its hooks into me and trying to drag me down. All because of a painful and unavoidable goodbye. I'm scared to death that this will happen to me again, so I work hard to love and maintain my wonderful friendships and remind people that they mean a lot to me. I wish more than anything that I could stop being so human, leave behind the survival instinct, and just take the leaps. Just be able to love without fear of the loss; say hello without thinking of the goodbye. No amount of wishing will get me anywhere though, I'll have to learn to jump, and pretend I have wings to catch myself before I hit the ground. In the end I do not want to be scared to death, I want to be happy to live.
Stay Amazing (:

Epic Twelve's video!!

Holy crap! So I love and live music, especially Techno! It's my favorite. SO I was on facebook today (What else is new?) and I was looking at Basshunter's page and he posted this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXmSWSXyA3s
My mind is blown. The kid is only sixteen. I love this song and I want it on my laptop so I can jam to it all the time! I love it!! Check this kid out!

You're beautiful. (:

    Wow, it has officially been WAY too long since I've posted. Sorry guys. My laptop was attacked by evil little viruis demons created by  people who love to spread hate throughout the world. -.- Yeah, sorry that is a touchy subject for me.
    Well anyway, I was on Facebook just browsing along and I found a video that one of my friends made. It is talking about how girls always tear themselves down and try to bring others with them. How due to the media's fake face we all have this fake perception of what we're supposed to look like, how we're supposed to dress, what body type we're supposed to be. This is something I see not only in myself, but in every other girl that I know. The little comments like, "I look like crap today." or, "This shirt makes me look fat." are huge indicators to the beast that has taken over our self-esteem. It makes me so sad to think that every beautiful girl I see in the hallway, the store, and even the mall, thinks that somethings is wrong with her. It's not fair and it's not right. We are all daughters of God, worth more than rubies. If we see ourselves as less than someone else just because we think they are more attractive or pretty or funny or smart or whatever, than we are truly going to destroy ourselves.
   Today I had to get dressed up for a play I was going to with one of my classes. I had my hair crimped, my makeup done all perfectly, and I was in a dress, yet the whole day I felt like I was still as gross as I am in my sweat pants and a T-shirt. Four different guys called me pretty or complimented me in some way, and yet I still felt like I wasn't good enough. Zach's video put that into perspective for me. I am a heavy girl, (that is not at all intended as a diss on myself, but a fact of life.) so it is hard for me to feel pretty, but watching his video made me feel better. Even if no one else in the world can see that I am beautiful, I will. That is the promise I made to myself today, and I may break it a million times, but in the end I will do everything that I can to keep in mind that I am God's greatest creation; woman.
   I love you guys, and if you ever need anything, or want to hear my thoughts, opinions, or elaborations on anything, feel free to comment or email me. Now please watch this video and Stay Amazing! (:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iSBP5fkbDs&feature=youtu.be