Scared to death

We are all human (Well MOST of us are...) so we all get scared, but one of the scariest things in life is letting someone in. Letting them get to know you, letting yourself get attached, letting yourself feel something for them. I think one of the biggest reasons it is so scary to like someone, is you know there is always going to be a goodbye. Whether it is a break up, a death, a move, rejection,  or even time, you're eventually going to have to let them go. That hurts. It's not the goodbye that is so scary, it is the hello, because at hello you know you're eventually going to have to say goodbye. That is why some people choose not to even let the hello happen.
We are all fragile little creatures, no matter how much we claim we are not. We all go through heartbreak, loss, and goodbye. We are full of emotions that tend to dictate our actions and therefore dictate our character. What other reason would someone have for killing someone else? It's raw emotion that drives them. It's emotion that is so dangerous. Think about your family, think about what you would do to protect them against a man wanting to cause them harm. Would you not be willing to shoot them to save a family member? That is what scares me. Getting so attached to someone that I would be willing to kill to keep them safe; getting so attached that it kills me when the goodbye eventually comes around. No matter how much we want it to, things will never be the same after the goodbye. You may say hello again, but it'll never be like the initial hello, the goodbye will always be there, and therefore  you two will never be the same.
People scare me. They straight up scare me, because I know most of them think and feel the same things that I do, and I'm pretty scary. We all have the same fears, whether it is death, spiders, or the fear of losing someone close to us. It's scary to be human, because being human implies being weak, and weakness is the root of fear. Feeling powerless is the one thing we all fear, and what could make you feel as powerless as goodbye?
While most of us have religions that teach of an after life, there is always some doubt in the back of our minds, and that is called survival instinct. It's one of many reasons that it hurts so bad to lose someone. We all want to live and flourish to carry on our species and enjoy a fairy tale life. Notice though, that it is the fairy tales that tell of "goodbye" that mean the most to us? "The Fox and the Hound", "Bambie", and even "Dear John". The stories relate closer to us, warm and wound our hearts at the same time because they have a basis of reality to them.
People are scary. Relationships, friendships, partnerships, they are all delicate social ties that have to be very diligently balanced in order to work and be maintained. Never in my life have I been so hurt by a friend as I was these last two months. The pain was almost unbearable. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't even breathe without the pain digging its hooks into me and trying to drag me down. All because of a painful and unavoidable goodbye. I'm scared to death that this will happen to me again, so I work hard to love and maintain my wonderful friendships and remind people that they mean a lot to me. I wish more than anything that I could stop being so human, leave behind the survival instinct, and just take the leaps. Just be able to love without fear of the loss; say hello without thinking of the goodbye. No amount of wishing will get me anywhere though, I'll have to learn to jump, and pretend I have wings to catch myself before I hit the ground. In the end I do not want to be scared to death, I want to be happy to live.
Stay Amazing (: