You're beautiful. (:

    Wow, it has officially been WAY too long since I've posted. Sorry guys. My laptop was attacked by evil little viruis demons created by  people who love to spread hate throughout the world. -.- Yeah, sorry that is a touchy subject for me.
    Well anyway, I was on Facebook just browsing along and I found a video that one of my friends made. It is talking about how girls always tear themselves down and try to bring others with them. How due to the media's fake face we all have this fake perception of what we're supposed to look like, how we're supposed to dress, what body type we're supposed to be. This is something I see not only in myself, but in every other girl that I know. The little comments like, "I look like crap today." or, "This shirt makes me look fat." are huge indicators to the beast that has taken over our self-esteem. It makes me so sad to think that every beautiful girl I see in the hallway, the store, and even the mall, thinks that somethings is wrong with her. It's not fair and it's not right. We are all daughters of God, worth more than rubies. If we see ourselves as less than someone else just because we think they are more attractive or pretty or funny or smart or whatever, than we are truly going to destroy ourselves.
   Today I had to get dressed up for a play I was going to with one of my classes. I had my hair crimped, my makeup done all perfectly, and I was in a dress, yet the whole day I felt like I was still as gross as I am in my sweat pants and a T-shirt. Four different guys called me pretty or complimented me in some way, and yet I still felt like I wasn't good enough. Zach's video put that into perspective for me. I am a heavy girl, (that is not at all intended as a diss on myself, but a fact of life.) so it is hard for me to feel pretty, but watching his video made me feel better. Even if no one else in the world can see that I am beautiful, I will. That is the promise I made to myself today, and I may break it a million times, but in the end I will do everything that I can to keep in mind that I am God's greatest creation; woman.
   I love you guys, and if you ever need anything, or want to hear my thoughts, opinions, or elaborations on anything, feel free to comment or email me. Now please watch this video and Stay Amazing! (:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iSBP5fkbDs&feature=youtu.be

August 22nd

  Today is the three year marker. I love you Julia. You will always be in my heart and on my mind. I hope everyone else won't forget you. Wait for me big sis, there are just some things I still have to do here on Earth and I'll see you up there in like forty years. I am so blessed to have had someone as Amazing as you in my life. I love you!

 

 

Amazing you

My tears flow and fall,
The world comes to a crawl,
All around I see the pain inside of me,
See how great others can be,
If it wasn't for you,
I have no idea what I would do,
You showed me the greatness inside of me,
The greatness I can come to be,
And now I am sitting here crying yet again,
But not like I did then,
Today I cry because I have found this peace,
Gone and defeated life's beast,
Now I can hold my head up proud,
Feeling tall as a cloud,
Just a matter of time before they try to bring me down,
I feel like I could leap tall buildings in a single bound,
Let them come to make me fall,
I will teach them all,
What it means to have love,
Not to spill blood,
So as I sit and write this I am thinking of you,
And all the extraordinary things you do,
How you always seem to just be there,
Even when I don't know that I need you here,
How your hugs can change the world,
And your eyes can see my inner little girl,
You have taught me how to fight,
You have taught me how to make things right,
It was you to hold me up when I fell,
It was you who was still there after the final bell,
If it wasn't for you,
I have no idea what I would do,
So, to you I say thank you,
Thank you for just being amazing you

Education Week

I have been attending Education Week up on Brigham Young University campus all week and so far it has been a blast. The talks have been so amazing most have moved me to tears, and if you know me at all you know I do not cry very often. This experience has really helped me learn what I need to do, need to know, and how to do if for my Heavenly Father. I have not always been very strong in the gospel and all things God, but this has really been an eye opening experience. For all of you who have no idea what I am talking about, of have never been, Education Week is basically a bunch of "Classes" you attend on the gospel. I know that sounds so incredibly boring but it really is not. It is SO fun. The fact that there are also a lot of cute single Mormons walking around does not hurt. (: If you are not a member of The Church Of Jesus Christ And Later day Saints, I challenge you to ask me about it. Ask me to explain and teach you my beliefs. I can assure you that we are not a bunch of Satan worshiping heathens like most people think. I will bear you my testimony that this Church is the only true church on Earth; that God the Father and His son Jesus the Christ live, and that the Holy Ghost can always be a constant companion to you if you live in the light of our Heavenly Father. If I have offended you in anyway by speaking my beliefs, please come talk to me about it. I would love to explain. I love you guys, Stay Amazing. (:

Assuming the worst.

Every one just assumes the worst in a situation. It pisses me off. People are not always out to get you, to hurt you, and to just be a jerk! I have a stupid mouse that causes lots of problems for me often (But I love it because it is my laptop mouse and I just have to love it.)  and when playing 21 questions on Facebook I sometimes mess up stuff. Like I'll click yes when I meant no, and no when I meant yes. Well this happened and someone sent me a message saying, "You're answers were pretty *******." I was confused because I try really hard not to say mean things even when I think them. So I sent this person back a message and explained to them my mouse problem. I asked them what I had said that was so freaking mean that they felt the need to send me an angry message about. When they told me what I had said I almost cried. It was really mean. So I explained and it was all good, they totally understood and even apologized to me. But why is it that people always just assume that we're jerks? Like, "Oh she sniffed in a strange manner when I walked by after volleyball practice, she thinks I stink! What a jerk!" When really she had just been crying or had bad allergies to something. Our first response is to just assume that everyone is out to get us. What is that about? Well, that is my rant for now. If you have the answer to why people assume the worst let me know. I'm curious. Stay Amazazing!!  (:

Happy 20th Birthday Julia

Joyeux anniversaire soeur gros, tu me manques tellement! Vous auriez eu vingt ans aujourd'hui. Fou n'est-ce pas? La vie ne sera jamais la même sans vous. Près de trois ans depuis que vous avez morts. On dirait que jamais, et pourtant il se sent comme si c'était hier. Difficile à croire que j'ai vit trois ans de ma vie sans toi. Notre frère est un idiot n'est-il pas? Toutes les choses stupides que vous at-il ressent le besoin d'une place vous. Me rend triste et fou en même temps. Je vous sens avec moi, parfois, et il est l'un des meilleurs sentiments que j'ai jamais eu. Je sais que vous serez toujours là, avec moi, même si je ne peux pas voir, sentir, ou que vous touchez. J'ai dit à mon ami un peu plus sur une expérience que j'ai eu après tu es mort et il le libellé comme suit: «En parlant à mon âme». Aimez-vous! Vous avez eu une belle vie, et maintenant dans la mort vous êtes toujours étonnante.
 TRANSLATION:"Happy birthday big sister, I miss you so much! You would have been twenty years old today. Crazy is it not? Life will never be the same without you. Almost three years since you died. Seems like forever, yet it feels like it was just yesterday. Hard to believe that I have lives three whole years of my life without you. Our brother is an idiot is he not? All the dumb things you did he feels the need to one up you. Makes me sad and mad at the same time. I feel you with me sometimes and it is one of the best feelings I have ever had. I know you will always be here, with me, even if I cannot see, feel, or touch you. I told my friend a little bit about an experience I had after you died and he worded it as, "Speaking to my soul". Love you! You have had a great life, and now in death you are still amazing. "

Here is a poem I wrote about Julia a little while ago. It is posted on my other blog "Night Fallen".

Moving on

I thought it was jut the wind passing through,

But much to my surprise it was you,

Sending chills down my spin,

Letting me know it will be all right,

I cry everyday since you left Earth to escape,

Oh how your absence is filling me with such heartache,

I'm drowning our mamma in my tears,

Although time has passed into years.

I am missing you yet again today,

So very haunted by your smiling face,

You're reaching out and letting go,

 Working so hard to let me know,

You are there for me,

Even though it is just your picture I see,

You'd hold me in your arms,

You are so close, yet so very far,

The days have gotten dark,

And moving on is always hard,

But you  left me with your mark,

To be left forever in my heart,

So until we meet again,

I will be moving on to meet my end,

And at last we will be together,

To spend happily the rest of forever

I wrote this in memory of my sister, Julia Lea Robison, 1991-2008. RIP Jewel, we miss you so much.

Sleep ranting...

I have decided to put an end to cat diaries. Too hard to write, too hard to read. Any protests? I thought not. My birthday was good but the "party" will be better. I am taking three close friends to Lagoon this week and it shall be epic. I am a lazy personage. Mhm, Now stop your complaints. (OR I SHALL MAKE YOU SUFFER!! EXCRUTIATING PAINS!!!) In other words I will add the song "Friday" By Rebbecca Black to this. (I''m kidding, I love you too much. We should use that song in interrogation rooms. I would confess after the fifth time they played it...anything to make it stop...) What is up with The Amazing Staci? (Yeah, I am talking about myself in a third person...I think it was the mention of that torturous song...makes me weirder than usual...) Nothing. NOTHING! Well...something. I am going to camp soon...and then Education Week up at BYU in August. Yeah, I am so ninja...OH MY GOSH! I have news. Everyone who knows me and loves me will be excised about this. There is a blender called a ninja. Imagine that conversation..."Yeah, I have a Ninja in my kitchen. They chop up my food for me at the speed of electricity. Oh, and their black..." I don't know about you, but I would feel like that was something to brag about. I would be super proud of this. I saw the Winnie The Pooh movie. It was cute. Made me sad that the voices were not the same as my childhood. Stupid Walt Disney! They take away all the wholesome shows, change my characters, and add pure stupidity to everything they air. Just you wait...when I am rich and have some pull in the community...things will change. For the better! (Unlike Obama's campaign. He said things would change. And they did. FOR THE WORSE!) Yeah, I am just on a rant tonight. Lots of stuff happening lately that sucks worse than a five dollar hoe. (yeah, that was a wee bit inappropriate. Sorry. I try to keep my blog rated G) But it was funny, huh? I am so sorry...Naw, not really. I just feel slightly bad...Oh, BTW! I have recently learned that no one should ever let me use an electric razor. My dog looks like he got spat out by a lawnmower. I am not kidding. Poor thing had his dignity shaved off. He was a sheltie, now he looks like an over grown hampster that found itself in a garbage disposal. Special shout out to my "Aunt" Terry. Love the purse and the shirt! YOU DA BOMB! I just got the urge to beat someone with a large foam covered bat until I cry tears of joy. Any volunteers? Come on! It would be a late birthday present...This has no real subject does it? I am like...sleep ranting. (I say sleep ranting because I am tired, and when I get tired, lack of sleep causes me to say things that are really true...sometimes too true. The truth causes pain or whatever...) Well...this has been an AMAZING rant. Love ya, stay Amazing. :D