Volleyball

So I am on my church's volleyball team and we have made it to regional! If we lose Thursday we go home for good, but if we don't we play Friday, we win Friday we go to the championships on Saturday. WAHOO! My team is pretty dang good and I think we have a good chance of winning. our score is 8:2 so we only have lost twice. (That was because we were all in a horrid mood...Team drama. Blah.) I am so happy. As my grandma put it today, "I am the jock of the family." Ha as if my fat butt could ever be a jock. We can only dream. Other than volleyball life has been pretty quiet. I have had friend drama, grade drama, and family drama. Also my first quarter (in school) just ended on Friday. Whoot whoot. I only ended with one D+ and that was just cause my stupid student teacher hates me for no reason. (Maybe she is intimidated by the fact that I am not afraid to speak my mind.) I also have been thinking a lot of the future. I know I want to be a writer but I also want to find myself a busy career. I am just not sure which one yet. I am going to get a degree in business I know that but I was also thinking something along the lines of lawyer, journalist, or linguistic personage. (Using my many-well future-skills in multiple tongues-languages- to do ninja type stuff.) Or I might pursue a career in something a bit more...artistic. To heck if I know. All I know is I want a busy life. Something that will get me off my rear end and out doing something that I enjoy. (Every person's dream is it not?) We have reality town coming up soon and I just want to get my GPA up a wee bit higher so I can have a fun time, not get the poo scared out of my by the venomous sting of reality. Is that not the reason for reality town? Scare the crap out of us high- schoolers to get us on the straight and narrow path of academics? Any-who, I have a lot on my mind. Not sure what collage to put my headlights on but I am sure it is not going to be one in my home state. Screw that. I want to see the country. Get the hell out of the box I have been jammed in my whole life and maybe, just maybe have a little fun experiencing the world. Ha this post is titled Volleyball but hear I am rambling about my not too futuristic future. Well it is late and I have a crap load of homework and crap to accomplish on the morrow. Let me know what you think I should pursue in my quest for the right (and Epic) career choice of Staci-ness. If you are still reading my stupid blog it means you still love me. Thanks you for that. So for those of you who are reading these very words I want you to know that I love you and am glad you are in my corner of my epic boxing match. (The Amazing Staci V.S. Life.) Love Y'all keep on reading and commenting. I love comments, they are what make me who I am. So unless you want me to stop being so amazing, you will comment. Even if is is a stupid smiley face it is a comment. So please, please for the love of the Staci, COMMENT!!!

Music is my life. ;)

So I am listening to "Just the way you are." Kidd Kraze rap remix and I love it. The rap makes me smile just as much as the original. When I hear a good beat i can't help but move to it. It is like the notes flow directly from the speakers into my veins. The lyrics go into my heart and I feel what the writer feels. I wish I was not musically retarded. I can't sing to save my life-it often makes small animals go deaf-and I can't seem to learn an instrument-I think I am just retarded there...). Because of my retardation when it comes to such thing I write the words and my heart hears the music. I am also drawn to people who are musically talented. Two of my best friends are (Ann and Marcella) and the guys I like are gifted in that category. I want to learn the drums but I don't think my parents would appreciate that...
Well anyway, if you have a favorite band (NOT COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) post it below and I'll check it out. I am going to add a list of my fav. bands and I will have one of y'all's. Just remember for me, if it makes you feel good, if the song's beat is irresistible, then it is a good one. If the lyrics make you upbeat and happy and not feel offended and crappy (That rhymed!!!) then it is a good one. I don't want to listen to any songs that will make me feel like poo. So don't recommend that crap. All right I have volleyball in the morning so I got to get off now. I will update you peeps tomorrow. Love you all. Keep reading. =)

Life, I promised myself.

Life will be here soon. I am working as hard as I can to prepare for it, to have a good education and do all I can to just be ready for when it gets here that I realized, thanks to my dad, that I am trying to grow up too fast. I am not living in the moment, I can't see the world around me, I just see the path ahead. I am trying so hard to be an adult that I am missing out on being a kid. So I have made a promise to myself to live in the moment. I am finding the joy in the little things, and ignoring the negativity in the big. I can see the situation as a whole, but she Silver  Lining is my main focus. I am quite surprised at how much it has changed my out look on life, and my life in general. Finding happiness is not that hard. Everyone says that they set out in life, and look for it their whole lives, when really they are too focused on the hunt for it that they miss it in that one moment. Weather it is a license plate cover that makes you laugh, or a boy waving to you in the next to yours, you just got to take it in, and enjoy every second of it. What an impact it makes. Everyone my whole life has told me just to be positive and I did not listen to them, thus making it so I had to learn for myself. So take my word for it. Positive is important. Remember that. Love Y'all
Copyright, theamazingstaci.blogspot.com 2010

It was not the right answer.

What am I to the world? How is it that I affect the lives of so many? Would the world come to a screeching halt if I were to disappear? Probably not, but my family's and friend's lives would. If not for a long time a day, a week, a month or maybe a year, but eventually life would take over and force them to move on. Well that is true for everyone. Why hurt your loved ones just because you are hurting? Why would you just give up on life? What right do you have to take your own life? Well these questions are not something running through a suicidal person's mind. We want them to be, but they are not. They can only think of the pain, the pure, agonizing hurt that is "swallowing" them. A person of this mind set is hurting so bad that they can only see the sweet bliss of death, the escape from all their troubles. I know, this because that is what was going through my sister's mind. She was of this mind set, and hurting so bad that she could not see her true worth. It hurts so much to know that she did not think I loved her, to feel like I gave up on her. Well, I didn't. I would, was, and want to be there for her through everything. I would have challenged the world if she would have asked it of me. But she didn't. At first I was mad that she would not trust me or think that I did not care enough about her to help, but in truth, that was her decision. I could not have stopped her from pulling that trigger. She was the one who decided it, and as much as it hurts to admit it, there is nothing I could have done. I didn't know until after the fact, what she was going through. I hurt, and I miss her. I would give anything to have my big sister to go to for advice, for company, or to help. Even though she has been gone for two years, I still love her, I miss her, and I also still hurt, and I always will. I need her right now, and I get so mad sometimes because she is not there for me. She is not here to help me get through high school and the other hard things that are going on. All I can say right now is this: I am so glad she does not hurt anymore. She does not have to be feeling the pain she did, or dealing with the trials we all have to deal with. She is in a safe, wonderful, paradise. Why then, does it hurt so much? Why am I still in pain at the thought of her not being here? Am I selfish? Maybe. But all I know is that I want my big sister. I envy my friends because their big sisters are there for them, even if it is just to drive them somewhere, or go shopping with. They still have their sisters to watch their back, to lean on when needed, to just be there. Wow, never before have I admitted that to myself let alone anyone else. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my sister. I see her when I look in the mirror, I think of her when I see a stupid beanie baby. For right now I am surviving, but I know this pain is not going to fully heal. I just...need a hug. Love you guys. Sorry if I am worrying you. I have never really told anyone this, and I am kind of scared that I am worrying you. Love y'all. Please, just know, if you are ever feeling like she did, or need someone to talk to I am here for you. I won't judge you, I am here for anything you need. It was not the right answer and it never will be. Feel free to send me an email any time.
Copyright, theamazingstaci.blogspot.com 2010

Kelly

So I have been going through one of the hardest things since Julia died. I am losing my other sibling. Kelly hates me (for a stupid reason I am not about to share with the world.) and he said I am no longer his sister. That hurts. I have already lose one sibling but now the one I have left hates me and won't even let me talk to him. I cry at night, and put on my brave face when he is around. It is really sad that I actually want him to move out. He was there for me when I needed him but now when he needs me he refuses to let me be his shoulder to lean on. My friends would never understand, they don't know what it is like to lose both a sister and a brother in the space of two years. What is wrong with me? Am I really that bad of a little sister? I don't want to feel left alone in this big scary world but it seems like I have no other choice. I care so much about my brother and he is making all these stupid choices and I can't do anything but watch him crash and burn. His whole life seems to have done a dive bomb within just a few months. After Julia died he has not been the same and it worries me.They were closer than an atom and an electron. Maybe I am being overly dramatic but this is not something I have wanted. I feel like it is up to me to graduate for my parents and be there for them since my other two siblings can't be or refuse to be. That is a lot of stress to put on my shoulders not to mention juggling my personal life, my academic life, my home life, and soon my work life. I know my parents are doing the best they can for both me and Kelly but sometimes the stress just gets to be too much. I feel as if my head will explode if I have to take on one more responsibility. Pray for me, and him. Love you guys. Please I am in need of advice. Comments are encouraged, just not questions.

I am going to get a cell phone!!!!

My mom and dad upgraded their phones and guess who gets my mom's old phone. That is right. The amazing Staci's life got just a little more amazing. WHOOT WHOOT!!!

With love

My best friend (well one of them ) is out of town until the day before her birthday. That is seventeen days spent with her whole family in disney world. I hate her sometimes. Especially since she is like supermodel grogiouse. Well Me and Marcella have come up with the most devious plan for her birthday. I can't wait. This will be epic. I love you Ann, I say this with love. Your little crabs are doing great and I love and miss you! Can't wait to see you! Have fun, bring me back a stuffed Tigger. I am an epic person but you? You are off the charts.

Epic Tale of the week #2

So today I made a PB&J. This was no average childhood snack, this was epic. I am out of bread so instead I used pancakes. These just happened to be my ultra secret recipe of Pero Pancakes. My life is forever changed. Also I made breakfast for my parents because they let me stay home from school today. (Due to my mama's visit to the hospital at four this morning.) So this was the epic tale of the week. Let me hear your won epic tales. Just post as a comment. PLEASE AND THANK YOU!!!

epic tale of the week #1

Okay so this month went by so fast I can't even remember most of it. Is it like that for everyone? It was such a good month...I guess that is just because it is a beautiful refresher from the horrible month of August. It went out badly but I am sure I will fix it. (yeah I am talking about you Aaron. Not that you would know cause you never read my blog.) My best friend Ann is in Disney world. WHOOT WHOOT! I miss her already and she only left this morning. The football game last night was fun but...it was not great. I had a lot of fun with Jessica when she was there, I also enjoyed the company of the boys. They were fun. Want to hear my epic tale of the week? That is right, I am going to start an epic tale of the week. Here goes.
So I was talking to Marcella and Tanner. I got mad at Tanner and left. They followed me into the high school parking lot where I managed to evaporate into thin air. They hunted for me for a while. What they did not know was that I was stalking them. There were a few times they got so close to me I could have reached out and grabbed them. Once they almost spotted me but I did this inc-readable ninja role and managed to avoid discovery. Then I went back into the football game without them seeing me. I beat them back to the group we were chilling with, then left. I walked all the way around the field and then snuck up behind them. i scared the crap out of Tanner and Marcella just laughed. It was Epic. For more epic tales of awesomeness, go to mylifeisaverage.com best web site (OTHER THAT THIS ONE!) Ever.